Let’s be honest. You probably picked your favorite Subway sandwich in 8th grade and you’ve never looked back.
Somewhere between awkward middle school dances and thinking Axe body spray counted as a shower, we all decided “this is my sandwich forever!”
And here we are. Decades later. We still walk into Subway and make the same joke… “I always order the same thing! I should try something new, but not today. haha!” And then we rattle off our veggies and sauces like auctioneers who went on a Mountain Dew bender: “Lettuce-pickles-light mayo-salt & pepper.”
I get it. There’s comfort in consistency. Ordering the same thing means we know exactly what we’re getting every single time. But here’s the thing — when we do this we’re basically the culinary equivalent of someone who still use their AOL email addresses. And friends, I’ve got got bad news — if this sounds like you, you might be suffering from Eighth Grade Sandwich Disorder.
Symptoms include: unwavering loyalty to one sub, mild suspicion toward “fancy” sauces, and an inability to pronounce Chipotle without overthinking it.
You’re missing out. Bad.
Do you know how many possible Subway sandwich combinations there are? Billions. That’s not a typo. There are more possible combinations than Netflix has rom-coms starring people who inexplicably quit their high-powered jobs to run a bakery.
Subway has 12+ sauces at any given time. Veggies you won’t find at other sub shops. Cheeses that slap when paired right. We have the freedom to be living in Flavor Town, but some of us are still holed up in Turkey-And-American-Cheese-With-Lettuce-And-Mayo…ville.
Here’s your wake-up call
- Order turkey EVERY time? Try an Ultimate BMT next time and watch your taste buds file a formal complaint for neglect.
- Do you always order Black Forrest Ham? Grab an All American Club and let bacon blow your mind like it was designed to.
- Still ordering the Meatball Marinara since 5th grade? I respect the commitment, but one bite of our Outlaw cheesesteak and you’ll wonder what you’ve been doing with your life.
Let’s stop being predictable. Let’s stop eating like our 8th grade selves still run the show.
Next time you’re at Kaysville Subway, try something new. Heck, you might even chef’s kiss your way out the door. And when you do, I’ll be behind the counter, slow clapping.
TAKE THE TEST:
Do You Have Eighth Grade Sandwich Disorder?
Answer honestly. Your sandwich reputation is on the line.
(Post your score in the comments below and let me know where you rank!)
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How often do you order the exact same sandwich at Subway?
- A) Every. Single. Time. (I’m loyal, not boring, right?)
- B) Usually, but I swap sauces sometimes.
- C) I’m a flavor daredevil — no two orders are ever the same.
-
When I see a new sauce on the menu, I…
- A) Pretend not to see it.
- B) Ask what it tastes like but never actually try it.
- C) Order it immediately, no questions asked.
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The last time I changed my Subway order was…
- A) When I switched from White to Italian Herbs & Cheese in 2005.
- B) When they were out of my favorite cheese last week.
- C) Yesterday, and it was glorious.
-
If my usual sandwich was discontinued tomorrow, I would…
- A) Cry in the parking lot.
- B) Panic-order something safe like Turkey & Provolone.
- C) Take it as an exciting challenge.
Your Result
- Mostly A’s: Congratulations, you have full-blown Eighth Grade Sandwich Disorder. It’s treatable — start with a drizzle of Sweet Onion Teriyaki and work your way up.
- Mostly B’s: You’re in the Sandwich Comfort Zone. You flirt with variety, but commitment issues keep you tethered to your standby.
- Mostly C’s: You’re a Sub Explorer! Subway chefs fear and respect you.
