Let’s be honest. You’re not “putting olives” on your sandwich — you’re constructing an olive hotel and the rest of the sandwich is standing at the front desk asking if there’s any vacancy.
And it’s always olives. Nobody ever says, “Extra extra extra green peppers until the bread collapses.” Or, “Bury me under a landslide of onions, please.” No. This obsession is exclusive to olives — as if they’re edible gold you’ve got to mine before the rush is over and the mountains are stripped bare.
How Many Olives Is Too Many? Asking for a Friend. (It’s You.)
Here are the archetypes we see across the sneeze guard:
- The Sneaky Strategist — asks for olives after every other ingredient, hoping we won’t notice they’re building Mount Olive.
- The Mayo-and-Olives Guy — yes, this is a real order: two ingredients, one is mayo, the other is olives. A sandwich so hauntingly specific it deserves its own true-crime documentary.
- The Brine Evangelist — loudly declares olives a “superfood,” as if that makes a 10:1 olive-to-bread ratio perfectly reasonable.
So next time you’re building your sub, maybe try a few less olives. Even if that means you can taste some of the other ingredients on your sub.